How to Express the Negative in Your Relationship
There’s no doubt that when you’re married there’s going to be times when your spouse pisses you off to such a degree that you’re going to want to express how you feel! Understanding how to express that negative in a way that does not fatally damage or erode your marriage is key to a lasting and happy marriage.
Many people in a marriage will go all out to avoid saying what they consider the “wrong thing!” But there is very rarely a “wrong thing” to say, what is usually wrong is the way you express your opinion.
You have to learn how to say the negative without attacking!
If your spouse has done or said something that you don’t agree with or find acceptable, then you’ve got to think about how you’re going to let them know that.
Married and Happy
Now here’s the thing, don’t immediately expect your spouse to know they’ve done or said something wrong!
You have to tell them!
Tell your spouse you didn’t appreciate X, Y, Z because that’s the only adult way to let them know. Pouting, sulking and screaming at your spouse for days on end, without telling them clearly what the problem is, is useless.
Fact is, more arguments happen over one spouse not knowing they’ve upset the other, than you’d imagine. So be grown up and tell you spouse how you feel.
Pick the moment you explain to your spouse how you feel wisely. Don’t wait until they’re busy with the kids or about to walk out the door for work. The ideal is to bring up the problem when it happens, if you can’t because you need a little bit of time to think things through, or it’s just not a convenient time, that’s okay.
Don’t attack your spouse verbally with accusations. Give your spouse a chance to explain what they did or said. There’s no point flying in with name calling and abusive language. You’ll get nowhere if you attack!
Try not to think you know best! You’re not a mind reader, you don’t know what your spouse was thinking! The truth is that’s what you need your spouse to explain to you – you need to understand what they were thinking and why they did or said what they did.
Don’t bring up stuff from last year that should’ve been dealt with last year! If your spouse feels they’re going to be hit with all kinds of irrelevant accusations they will feel blamed and they will feel attacked – that’s why it’s vital to deal with situations when they happen.
Take your fair share of the problem. The worst thing you can do is to make your spouse feel as though everything that’s wrong is down to them and that you are blameless and have never done anything wrong in the relationship.
Avoid being defensive, you need to be inclusive and talk about problems and negative feelings in your marriage as a couple. If you start to defend you, then you signal to your spouse that you are only bothered about you and your feelings.
Above all listen!
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