“Help Me Save My Marriage!”
When we decide to get married, very few of us think it will end in divorce and misery. But for all too many of us, it does. So asking and pleading “help me save my marriage!” Is unfortunately nothing new.
If you find yourself in this place right now, and you really want to save your marriage, then I hope you will find some help in this article.
First of all your marriage should be built on “The Four Foundations”:
- Love
- Trust
- Respect
- Understanding
Throughout every marriage, there will times when these Four Foundations will waver and ebb and flow – no marriage is perfect and even if yours did ‘appear’ perfect at the beginning, there’s no way it was ever going to remain so!
So that’s the first thing to accept: your marriage will inevitably go through different phases and you and your spouse must adapt and grow together with these phases.
One of the tricks to help you save your marriage is to help you understand and accept that just because one or more of the four might be missing or diminishing today, it doesn’t mean that it will remain so forever!
This could be your marriage going through a ‘moment’ and there may not be any need to press the escape hatch button. You might simply need to hang on in there and ride out the storm for the better weather to come. So no rash judgements.
Have you tried, really tried to sit your spouse down and talk to him/her? Nothing can be healed or mended if you cannot talk to your spouse and they cannot listen to your thoughts.
Is it impossible for you to forgive a certain thing your spouse did? Perhaps they had an affair and you are finding it impossible to forgive? Remember with time and rebuilding, it is very possible to forgive an affair and move on together.
Has there been violence or abuse of some other kind? Now these can be deal breakers and rightly so! No one should even think about staying in an abusive relationship or marriage for any reason and I would urge you, if you are in this position to seek professional help and guidance immediately!
Have you and your spouse grown apart because you don’t spend any time together? Well then you both need to develop interests that you can share and make time for those interests TOGETHER!
How about a ‘date night’ once a week or once a fortnight? Whatever you do, you need to do it together and regularly and both of you must have a good time.
You can also think about relationship counseling. If your spouse is not ready or willing to go with you, then you can still go alone and work through some of the issues that you’re struggling with. Relationship counseling will give you tools to help you deal with arguing, with stress and with seeing the whole picture.
We all know that marriage isn’t easy, but if you have invested in a marriage and you still love your spouse, it is very much worth your time investigating how you can save your marriage.
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