How Can a Marital Separation Save Your Marriage

Posted by on June 3, 2009 · Leave a Comment 

How bad have things got in the marriage?

So bad that you can’t bear to be in the same living space together?  Then rather than jump straight for asking for a divorce, how about considering a marital separation?

Marital separations, when planned and used correctly, are a great way to save a marriage in crisis.  They act as a kind of pressure release valve and they can give the couple involved time and space to think about what they want, what they don’t want and give them time to work things out together.

What is vital though for a marital separation to work is that there needs to be some ground rules that both parties agree to and the best time to set up these ground rules is before the separation begins.  That way you both know where you are and there is little room for misunderstandings and problems.

Marital Separation Ground Rules

  • Agree how long the separation will last.  You need to set out how long you’ll be separated for so that you both don’t just end up drifting along aimlessly for an indefinite length of time.  You can always agree to extend or shorten the time if that’s what you both feel you need.
  • Try and have some understanding of what you both want from the separation.  Are you separating to give you both time to simply take a break from each other?  Is one of you ready to move on, but one of you thinks that the separation is to find a way back together?  Whatever it is you want or are agreeing to with a marital separation you MUST tell your spouse right at the beginning.  The least chance there is for misunderstandings the better!
  • Think about the contact you and your spouse will have, especially if you have children together.  Will it be phone contact?  Face to face?  Can your spouse just drop round when they feel like it?  Will they still be able to use their key and come into the marital home whenever they want?  For a smooth separation, these are all things to think about and agree on.
  • Will you both date other people, or are you both clear that there is to be no dating of other people?  Be up front and honest about this.
  • If you have children, think about how access to the children will work!  Think about and discuss what you’ll both say to the children to make things as easy for them as possible.
  • Take the time on your own, or with your spouse, to read through some marriage repair guides because this will give you some powerful advice about where your marriage has gone wrong and how you can put it back together.  For this I highly recommend Save My Marriage Today by Amy Waterman.
  • Above all, while you’re separated, you really need to agree on how you will go about addressing the problems that have rocked your marriage and brought you to separate.  You should seriously think about getting expert help to discuss and find a way to repair the problems in your marriage.  Simply put, if all you do is take three months apart, talk occasionally and decide that you both miss each other and get back together, the problems that drove you both apart will still be there.  Only this time those problems might just drive you apart for good.

These are just some of the thinks for you to think about and agree upon before the separation.  Of course you will have other things that will be relevant to your own personal situation that you feel you want to add to the list.  Just be clear, that if it’s important to you, you lay that wish on the table in front of your spouse before the separation starts.  Because nothing will ruin a marital separation more if your spouse thinks one thing and you think another.

As I’ve said, what is vital is that you access a marriage repair guide.  Go to the official site of Amy Waterman and get her Marriage repair guide Save My Marriage Today.  This guide will give you the tools to save your marriage and understand what has gone wrong with your marriage.

Remember, if your marriage is important to you, you owe it to yourself and your spouse, to save your marriage.

Cheating Shocks

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