Emotional Cheating – Stop Kidding Yourself
Emotional cheating is a big problem for many marriages and partnerships and the truth is that those involved in this form or cheating don’t realize it or refuse to accept it.
Many people start an emotional relationship with a member of the opposite sex with good intentions, they are co-workers who start saying “Hi!” to each other, it progresses to sharing lunch and then they are seeking each other out for private talks and the sharing of confidences. They assure themselves that they’re really not doing anything wrong, because there has been no physical contact whatsoever.
Truth about Emotional Cheating
When a relationship outside of your marriage/partnership begins to hold your attention more than it should, when you begin to look forward to seeing that other person, when you’re thinking about them more and more, then there is a real problem. That is simply the long and short of emotional cheating.
Ask yourself and answer these two questions in all honesty -
- “Why haven’t you told your spouse about this relationship?”
- “What do you think your spouse would say/do if they found out?”
It’s time that you turned back towards your marriage and looked at what need is missing from your relationship with your spouse. Clearly the emotional attachment that you have formed with this third person has happened because you need something that you are not getting from your marriage/partnership.
Talk to your spouse openly about what you feel is lacking and what you need to change in your marriage. Listen to what your spouse says to you. The two of you need to rekindle whatever has waned and work at growing together.
- Incorporate a “date night” into your monthly lives!
- Consider relationship therapy! You don’t have to wait until your marriage is at death’s door before you take this course of action!
- Find a hobby that the two of you can do together!
- Do something lovely and unexpected for your spouse and the joy will be returned to you!
- Appreciate your spouse and let them know you appreciate them and that too will be returned to you!
- Tell your spouse you love them and show them that you love them – guess what? You’ll get that back too!
- Break this connection that you have with this third person immediately!
Make no bones about it, this third person threatens your marriage/partnership! Stop kidding yourself!
Emotional Cheating – Is It Really Cheating?
I get asked this a lot – “Is emotional cheating, really cheating?” And my answer to that is always, “YES!”
But before we get into it, just what is “emotional cheating?”
Well basically it’s an inappropriate attachment to someone other than your spouse, but without the sex.
So, if someone in a committed relationship/marriage needs to find some kind of intimate emotional support from someone else, then there’s clearly a problem within the relationship that needs facing.
If there was nothing to the emotional attachment, then there would be nothing to hide from a spouse and no all around secrecy with the emotional affair.
If you’re confiding in a work colleague, sharing lunch, emailing someone, perhaps meeting up after work for talks and you can’t tell your spouse, then you have a problem and you’re having an emotional affair.
There really should be no situation and no one in your life that you couldn’t tell your spouse about IF they asked.
If you have parts of your day that you cannot share with your spouse, then you need to ask yourself what’s going on and what you should do about it.
Ask yourself this, how would your spouse feel if they discovered that you had a level of intimacy with this other person? Be honest with yourself. There’s a reason you haven’t told your spouse and that’s because you know it’s wrong.
Think long and hard about where you want to go with your relationship with your spouse and if the relationship is worth saving. Because fact is fact, exclude your spouse and there’s a problem! You’re cheating.
If your marriage/relationship is worth saving then I’d recommend that you quickly get to grips with this situation and look at getting hold of Save My Marriage/Relationship Today.
If your relationship isn’t worth saving then I would ask you to please, sit your spouse down and talk openly and honestly to them. It will save the mess and pain that is surely coming your way.
Good luck!
