Save My Marriage Now – Communicating
One of the worst things when you get an email begging “Save My Marriage Now!” is that you know by the time you get the desperate email, that things are already pretty bad. There may have already been an affair, separation may have been suggested or even the prospect of a divorce is looming.
The really sad thing is that very often when you get to the nitty gritty of what has happened you find that a lack of HONEST communication has been central.
COMMUNICATION
If you cannot express yourself verbally, emotionally and physical in a healthy and honest way to your spouse, then you have a major problem that for many marriages can become a real deal breaker.
I find it easier to talk to a stranger than my husband! Jane M. Texas
But why is that?
Well it’s about trust and knowing that when you open up to the person you’re married to, that you’re opening up in a safe and loving environment. And also that you’re opening up yourself to someone who will not be offended, who will not laugh, who will not judge you and who will love you come what may. Those are big things to stack up and if you believe that any of those things are likely to be withdrawn, depending on what you say or do, then you’re going to close yourself off emotionally and physically and not open up to your spouse.
Simply put, talking to a stranger on the street you have no love to lose, no respect to lose and you really couldn’t careless what they think about you.
With your spouse though, you feel you have a lot to lose and so you keep it all to yourself.
Well that’s one of the best recipes for disaster and if you want an answer to how to “save my marriage now!” then you’re going to have to find a way to communicate with your spouse.
If your spouse has said to you in the past that ‘they can’t talk to you’ then you need to look at what kind of environment you have created around you for them to say that.
- Are you living in a democracy where opinions and thoughts are welcomed or are you running a dictatorship where your opinions and thoughts are all that matters and what you say goes?
- Do you give your spouse time and attention to say what they need to say?
- Do you listen and take on board what your spouse has to say? You don’t necessarily have to agree with them, but you need to give them the respect and courtesy of listening to what they have to say.
- Do you yourself open up and allow yourself to be vulnerable with your spouse? If you want your spouse to open up to you, then you have to show them it’s a safe thing to do by doing it yourself.
TOP TIP!
Men and women communicate differently. Generally speaking, women find it much easier to open up and communicate exactly what they’re feeling, while men don’t. So if your spouse needs more time and space to tell you what’s going on and how he is feeling, then allow him that space! Don’t pressurize or hound him, he will only retreat further.
