But should you immediately opt for the latter or should you keep things to yourself initially?

Well the stark answer to that is – it depends!

There are real times and occasions when you should seriously consider what use telling your nearest and dearest would be.  This is because you’re always going to get those friends or family members who will demonize your spouse and expect you to dump him and move on and if you don’t, then you could find yourself with not only a cheating husband on your hands, but also a disapproving friend or family member.

So before you hit the phone sobbing your heart and telling your mum, your sister or your best friend that he’s cheating on you, think long and hard on it.

Truth be told there will come a time when it will be easier for you to openly share what you’ve been through or what you’re going through, but that time might be later on.

Consider thinking things through first. Decide what YOU want to do before you start getting advice from those around you and once you have things straight in your mind, then confide in them and you tell them what you did or what you’re going to do!

Remember, the decision is yours!

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Cheating Spouse – Is it All About Sex?

Human beings will always be drawn to what they shouldn’t be, that’s a given!  The trick is resisting what you shouldn’t be and getting help from your spouse or an expert to help you when you’re tempted to stray.

Clearly there was a problem after 20+ years of marriage and that problem wasn’t addressed at all or addressed significantly.  The tragedy for Mark Sanford was that he had so much to lose when found out – and I don’t just mean his political career!

Cheating Spouse Excuses

So you’ve discovered your husband is cheating on you?

When the pain, humiliation and anger hits you and you’re looking around for someplace to dump your rage, who’re you gonna blame?  Where are you going to dump it?  On your cheating husband or on the other woman?

Tough to believe, but studies show that 4 out 6 women will first and foremost blame the other woman!  Mixed in there will be some blame for the husband, but mostly the brown stuff will initially get slung at the other woman.

There’s an argument to be made by some that the blame should be placed squarely at the husband’s feet.  And I have to say that I’ve heard no convincing argument why that shouldn’t be the case!  After all, the other woman didn’t sign up and agree to “love no other but you!”  Your husband did!

Truth is, the other woman might not even know that the man she’s been having a relationship with is even married.  Some guys are really adept at lying and hiding.  Of course for those women who do know that they’re involved with a married man, they need to wake up and realize that what they’re doing will bring nothing but pain and hurt, they need to walk away!

It’s an easy out to blame your husband’s lover, but at the end of the day YOUR husband has strayed and betrayed YOU and no matter how painful that is, that is something that YOU have to accept.

Top 10 Tips to Save Your Marriage and Stop Your Wife Divorcing You

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Your thoughts are “I saw her husband cheating, should I tell the wife?”

Well as with any dilemma there are real and compelling reasons why you could either do one or the other.

“I Saw Her Husband Cheating” – Shooting the Messenger

Telling the unsuspecting wife means you could end up having both barrels blasted at you from a wife who is not ready to face what her spouse is up.  She might have built herself a safe little emotional cubby hole where she goes and hides out from the reality of her life and anyone who attempts to blast her out into the reality of what is actually going on, is going to get it!

Plus, ask yourself this, is she going to believe what you’re saying to her?  Again denial is a powerful tool when you’re in a desperate place.

“I Saw Her Husband Cheating” – Are You Ready For the Mayhem?

If you do tell her and she confronts him with what she’s found out, you’re pretty much guaranteed to have your name thrown around in the ensuing mayhem.

Again, you could end up being the bad guy that the two of them unite against and turn their anger and range on.  So before you go jumping in doing ‘the right thing’ ask yourself if you’re ready to be the fall guy for their woes.

“I Saw Her Husband Cheating” – But it’s Not My Business

Many people faced with what to do after witnessing something they shouldn’t have, take the stance that it isn’t their business and they’re not getting involved.  Which is completely understandable given what could happen if you tell the unsuspecting wife.

If you decide that you’d rather stay out of it don’t beat yourself and feel guilty about your decision.  You are not responsible for anyone elses choices or decisions.

“I Saw Her Husband Cheating” – Should I Have a Quiet Word With Him?

For many this is the solution they opt for.  Having a private word with the cheating husband to warn him that you know and that he better fix up and either end the relationship, or tell his wife, is not a bad strategy to opt for.

It removes you from the full on fire and wrath of the wife, but talking to the cheating husband also makes you feel that you have actually done something!

Whatever you decide think clearly and long and hard before you go jumping in with what you know!

How Can I Tell if He’s Cheating?

Chrissy’s first gut instinct was that she pretty much didn’t want the marriage to end.  Even as she was dealing with the initial shock of her discovery, she knew she didn’t want the marriage over.  She had three boys, time invested in her marriage, all their assets were in both their names and the biggest shock of all that she reported, was that she still loved Allen.  Yes she was angry and mortified and wounded, but she still loved him.

She had always told herself that if Allen ever cheated on her, she’d walk out and not look back!  That all changed though when the reality of her situation hit her.

What we advised Cheryl to do was to take a deep breath and sit down with Allen and talk and listen.

It took them days to come to the point where they could sit down together, but they knew they had to.  What Chrissy found out was that her marriage had been going downhill around the birth of their second son – four years!  Allen had felt more and more pushed out with the birth of their children and had he’d never felt he could bring it up to Chrissy.

Chrissy didn’t really know where to go and what to do.  Worse of all, she no longer had her ‘bestfriend’ who she had decided never to see again, to talk to about it.  So she contacted us.

Our advice was for the two of them to face up to where they were in their relationship and to come clean to each other.  What had gone wrong in their relationship?  How they specifically wanted to go forward/what would their ideal relationship look like?

Chrissy explained that she wanted to work, she wanted her own life but she still wanted to be a wife and mother.  They carved out what we call “Sacred Time” which basically means time for the two of them to spend together without the children, doing something that they both enjoy.  “Sacred Time” is time that is set in concrete and can only be changed for real emergencies.

What they also had to deal with was the deep betrayal that Chrissy felt and the shame that Allen felt.  Allen admitted that he hadn’t fully grasped the level of deceit that his actions had brought him to.  He fully accepted that he was to blame for his adultery but he also felt that the demise of the marriage was something they had both contributed.  Which might seem disingenuous, but in that he’s right.

Chrissy’s thoughts are that it would:

Take her a helluva long time to trust him again!

Time!  Recovering from adultery and the ripples and shock waves that adultery and cheating causes in a marriage/relationship takes time and work.

Chrissy and Allen have a long way to go, but they both have a clear and specific place that they want to get to and they want to get there together!

Gaslighting – Is Your Cheating Spouse Gaslighting You

So, I gave her a check list of signs to see if she really thought her husband was cheating.

1. How’s your sex life?  Has it become less or non existent?
2. Is he keeping different hours that make no sense to you?
3. Is he fixated on his cell/mobile and taking secret calls at weird times?
4. Has he bought new clothes, underwear?
5. Does he have times of the day that he can’t account for and for which he will not or cannot give you an explanation.

I had some more pointers to give to her, but by the time I had got to number 5 on my list I didn’t need to go any further.  The shock realization on her face was all that I needed to know that she was now sure that her husband was cheating on her.

Here’s the thing, asking the question “How can I tell if my husband is cheating?” is one thing, being prepared for any answer that comes your way is another thing.

So make sure that when you go looking for an answer that you’re prepared for what that answer might be.

The last thing I said to my friend was to be 100% sure and have actual proof BEFORE she went and confronted her husband.  I suggested she use Reverse Phone Detective to get the proof on a cell number she was suspicious about, but only if she was again sure proof is what she wanted.

Emotional Cheating – Is It Really Cheating?

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