Is Your Spouse Cheating? » Communicating

How to Tell Your Spouse You Want to Separate

Mo — Tue, 13 Apr 2010 10:07:32 +0000

Often if you want to save your marriage, a way to do that is to leave the marriage and then find a way back together again. If you want to know how to tell your spouse you want to separate, then here are some quick tips to help you cope with this often tricky situation.

1) Make sure that you have things as clear as you can in your mind before you ask for a talk with your spouse. To tell your spouse you want to separate means you have to be prepared to ask for a talk and you have to be ready to say what’s on your mind.

2) Once you and your spouse sit down together, be as clear as you can be. If you are vague and unclear then your spouse might get the wrong idea about what’s going on. This is not the time to try and spare your spouse’s feelings by not being clear and honest. If you do that you’re only storing up problems for the future.

3) Another thing you should do is to make sure that you both, together, set out the ground rules for your marital separation. Whether you have hopes of rekindling your marriage in the future, nothing will ruin that and cause bad feelings faster is if you both don’t agree on the boundaries of your marital separation.

4) If there are children involved, then they have to a top priority. Between you and your spouse you really do need to make a decision about how and when you tell the children what’s going on. Remember if you tell your children lies or try and spare them by telling them nothing, you will only be brewing future trouble.

Now, whether you’re clear that you want to find a way back together or you’re sure you never want to live with your spouse or be in a relationship with your spouse again, understanding how to tell your spouse you want a separation can be a tricky and traumatic experience, IF you don’t set down a few rules for yourself and have a clear idea about how you’re going to approach the talk.

Follow the guidelines above and here – marital separation – and whatever it is the future brings in regard to your marriage will be easier.

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Simply Get Your Ex To Fall Back In Love

Mo — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 10:59:52 +0000

When you’re looking for ways to get your ex to fall back in love with you again, it can be a pretty frustrating time. You worry that perhaps there’s no way back to what you had and you wonder if you’d be better off forgetting about them and moving on. But there’s something that just won’t let you let it rest and you keep on thinking about them!

No doubt mistakes were made on both sides! But you still love your ex and you want them back!

So, avoid trying to strong arm them back into the relationship, it won’t work! Cut the urge to yell and scream at them to get back by your side!

Instead, remind them of who they fell in love with and what they would be missing if they never got back together with you! I mean the chances are good that you changed from the person they fell in love with to the person they left. You need to rediscover the person inside you that they fell in love with and show your ex that person.

Whatever you do don’t cling to the same old tired arguments that drove the two of you apart in the first place. I mean the truth is, if you’re considering seriously getting back together after time apart then you should have already dealt with the problems that drove the two of you apart in the first place.

If you haven’t already dealt with your past problems, then I would urge you to do so now before you even consider trying to figure out how to get your ex to fall back in love with you!

Of course, whatever you manage to sort out and come to terms with in regard to your past problems, there is no guarantee that the two of you will find a way back together. However, nothing ventured, nothing gained!

Relationships – Break Up to Make Up

How to Rescue Your Relationship

Mo — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 12:47:45 +0000

When you’ve reached the point where you want to rescue your relationship, you and your spouse have probably been together for some time. I mean, time is a great one for breaking down relationships and finding the cracks in them. It’s your job, if you want to rescue and repair your relationship, to find the key to stop these cracks from growing.

The first thing you need to do is to accept that your relationship is in trouble. Nothing will speed up your journey to ‘Splitsville’ quicker than ignoring what is going on right in front of you.

Sit down with your spouse and openly and sincerely express how you feel and what you see ahead for your relationship if nothing changes.

Listen to what your spouse says to you in return. If you want your spouse to listen and hear you then you have to give them the same courtesy. Only when the two of you find some common ground can you both go forward and repair your relationship.

Make some time to be with your spouse. Nothing ends a marriage or a relationship faster than not having time together. That means time away from the children, your friends and family and every day commitments. You and your spouse must have some “you” time.

With that in mind, you, as an individual, also needs to spend time on your own. If you are never allowed time on your own then you never know who you are and what you want outside of the marriage and also, for that matter, inside the marriage.

Appreciate and respect each other. If you’ve forgotten how you both felt when you first met and fell in love, then you will quickly grow to resent and perhaps even despise each other. So take some time to rekindle what has faded.

Remember, as long as there is mutual love and respect a relationship rescue is always possible!

Can a Cheating Spouse Ever Change

How to Express the Negative in Your Relationship

Mo — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 09:53:14 +0000

There’s no doubt that when you’re married there’s going to be times when your spouse pisses you off to such a degree that you’re going to want to express how you feel! Understanding how to express that negative in a way that does not fatally damage or erode your marriage is key to a lasting and happy marriage.

Many people in a marriage will go all out to avoid saying what they consider the “wrong thing!” But there is very rarely a “wrong thing” to say, what is usually wrong is the way you express your opinion.

You have to learn how to say the negative without attacking!

If your spouse has done or said something that you don’t agree with or find acceptable, then you’ve got to think about how you’re going to let them know that.

Married and Happy

Now here’s the thing, don’t immediately expect your spouse to know they’ve done or said something wrong!

You have to tell them!

Tell your spouse you didn’t appreciate X, Y, Z because that’s the only adult way to let them know. Pouting, sulking and screaming at your spouse for days on end, without telling them clearly what the problem is, is useless.

Fact is, more arguments happen over one spouse not knowing they’ve upset the other, than you’d imagine. So be grown up and tell you spouse how you feel.

Pick the moment you explain to your spouse how you feel wisely. Don’t wait until they’re busy with the kids or about to walk out the door for work. The ideal is to bring up the problem when it happens, if you can’t because you need a little bit of time to think things through, or it’s just not a convenient time, that’s okay.

Don’t attack your spouse verbally with accusations. Give your spouse a chance to explain what they did or said. There’s no point flying in with name calling and abusive language. You’ll get nowhere if you attack!

Try not to think you know best! You’re not a mind reader, you don’t know what your spouse was thinking! The truth is that’s what you need your spouse to explain to you – you need to understand what they were thinking and why they did or said what they did.

Don’t bring up stuff from last year that should’ve been dealt with last year! If your spouse feels they’re going to be hit with all kinds of irrelevant accusations they will feel blamed and they will feel attacked – that’s why it’s vital to deal with situations when they happen.

Take your fair share of the problem. The worst thing you can do is to make your spouse feel as though everything that’s wrong is down to them and that you are blameless and have never done anything wrong in the relationship.

Avoid being defensive, you need to be inclusive and talk about problems and negative feelings in your marriage as a couple. If you start to defend you, then you signal to your spouse that you are only bothered about you and your feelings.

Above all listen!

Catch Cheating Spouse Using Keylogging Software

Top 10 Tips to Save Your Marriage and Stop Your Wife Divorcing You

Mo — Sat, 13 Jun 2009 06:49:58 +0000

Wondering if there’s anyone who can help “save my marriage today?” Well there is someone and that someone is you! Today, by committing to following some simple steps, you can begin to save your marriage before your wife follows through on her threat to leave and divorce you!

1) Start listening to what your wife is worried about. You might not agree with her concerns about your marriage, life, her job, the kids or whatever it is, but you need to show her the respect of listening.

2) Help out around the home! Don’t expect your wife to be the one who waits on you hand and foot. It doesn’t matter if she’s a stay at home mom, you would be wise to help her out with the household chores and take the kids out on your own once a week so she can have some time to herself.

3) Compliment her on how sexy she looks. This will boost her confidence and make her feel good about herself and good about you!

4) Date her! Just like you did before you were married. Again, she’ll start feeling confident, special and that you want to be with her – this is a tip that can really save your marriage.

5) Share your worries with her! This will make her feel close to you emotionally and women love it when a man opens up to them.

6) Make yourself look great for her. Hit the gym, get some new clothes and get a hair cut.

7) Spoil her with flowers or other thoughtful gifts that you know she’d love. She’ll feel special and feel you’ve been thinking about her during the day.

8 Get into the habit of calling or texting her when you’re away from her, this lets her know you’re thinking about her and looking forward to seeing her.

9) Regularly tell her you love her.

10) Get hold of one of the better marriage repair guides, read through it and take the action outlined to save your marriage – this is without doubt the biggest tip of all to save your marriage.

Now, if you’re really serious about finding out how to “save my marriage today” then following the 10 tips outlined and building on them over time will definitely save your marriage.

Take it One Step Further and REALLY Save Your Marriage!

Go for the “Belt and Braces Approach!

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Why You Might Want to Save Your Marriage After He Cheated

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How Can a Marital Separation Save Your Marriage

Mo — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 10:42:51 +0000

How bad have things got in the marriage?

So bad that you can’t bear to be in the same living space together? Then rather than jump straight for asking for a divorce, how about considering a marital separation?

Marital separations, when planned and used correctly, are a great way to save a marriage in crisis. They act as a kind of pressure release valve and they can give the couple involved time and space to think about what they want, what they don’t want and give them time to work things out together.

What is vital though for a marital separation to work is that there needs to be some ground rules that both parties agree to and the best time to set up these ground rules is before the separation begins. That way you both know where you are and there is little room for misunderstandings and problems.

Marital Separation Ground Rules

Agree how long the separation will last. You need to set out how long you’ll be separated for so that you both don’t just end up drifting along aimlessly for an indefinite length of time. You can always agree to extend or shorten the time if that’s what you both feel you need.

Try and have some understanding of what you both want from the separation. Are you separating to give you both time to simply take a break from each other? Is one of you ready to move on, but one of you thinks that the separation is to find a way back together? Whatever it is you want or are agreeing to with a marital separation you MUST tell your spouse right at the beginning. The least chance there is for misunderstandings the better!

Think about the contact you and your spouse will have, especially if you have children together. Will it be phone contact? Face to face? Can your spouse just drop round when they feel like it? Will they still be able to use their key and come into the marital home whenever they want? For a smooth separation, these are all things to think about and agree on.

Will you both date other people, or are you both clear that there is to be no dating of other people? Be up front and honest about this.

If you have children, think about how access to the children will work! Think about and discuss what you’ll both say to the children to make things as easy for them as possible.

Take the time on your own, or with your spouse, to read through some marriage repair guides because this will give you some powerful advice about where your marriage has gone wrong and how you can put it back together. For this I highly recommend Save My Marriage Today by Amy Waterman.

Above all, while you’re separated, you really need to agree on how you will go about addressing the problems that have rocked your marriage and brought you to separate. You should seriously think about getting expert help to discuss and find a way to repair the problems in your marriage. Simply put, if all you do is take three months apart, talk occasionally and decide that you both miss each other and get back together, the problems that drove you both apart will still be there. Only this time those problems might just drive you apart for good.

These are just some of the thinks for you to think about and agree upon before the separation. Of course you will have other things that will be relevant to your own personal situation that you feel you want to add to the list. Just be clear, that if it’s important to you, you lay that wish on the table in front of your spouse before the separation starts. Because nothing will ruin a marital separation more if your spouse thinks one thing and you think another.

As I’ve said, what is vital is that you access a marriage repair guide. Go to the official site of Amy Waterman and get her Marriage repair guide Save My Marriage Today. This guide will give you the tools to save your marriage and understand what has gone wrong with your marriage.

Remember, if your marriage is important to you, you owe it to yourself and your spouse, to save your marriage.

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Should You Confess to Being a Cheating Spouse?

Mo — Fri, 29 May 2009 01:58:24 +0000

For some, who have been cheating on a spouse, there will come a time when they will wonder if they should tell the truth and confess to being a cheating spouse.

Their reasons they have for believing the time might be right for confession range from:

They’re about to be discovered!
They’re genuinely feeling guilty and can’t live with what they’ve done!
They want to use what they’ve been up to to hurt or get back at their spouse!

But should you really confess to being a cheating spouse? Well it depends!

If you’re about to be found out, either by someone else telling your spouse, or your spouse discovering what you’ve been up to, then you MUST get in there and tell your spouse right now!

Here’s why:

It’s bad enough that you have betrayed your spouse by cheating on him/her, to have your spouse then discover that you lack the guts and moral integrity to cushion them from the blow of some vindictive lover or some meddling nose hog who is set to tell them, will be tough!

You often hear it, “I wish you’d told me yourself!”

If you have even a sense that your spouse knows, then confess! If you wait until you’re confronted by an angry spouse, then you will find it much more difficult to convince your spouse that you might have done the wrong thing, but you’re sorry and want forgiveness.

No doubt confessing your cheating will bring problems, but at least it means your spouse will see that you’ve done the wrong thing, but you didn’t further add to that by lying to them. Your spouse will see that what you say has at least some value and really, when the brown stuff hits the fan, that ounce of value wrapped up in your confession, might be all there is to hold your marriage together.

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“Save My Marriage Today”

How Can I Begin to Save My Marriage Today?

Mo — Wed, 27 May 2009 13:43:13 +0000

Mistakes are part of life! Everyone makes them and no more so than people who are married to each other.

So if you’ve reached the point where you need to “save my marriage today!” then you’ll perhaps find comfort in the fact that you’re not alone – 9 out 10 marriages and committed relationships find themselves in deep trouble at some point.

To begin saving your marriage today, you simply MUST sit down with your spouse and start to talk!

Now talking might be the last thing you want to do, especially if you and your spouse are engaged in a silent stalemate, where you’re both having furious and yet silent arguments with each other. You know the type, where your thoughts are on a loop that plays out conversation after conversation with your spouse about “how it’s all their fault!”

If you or your spouse has these conversations running in your heads, then you need to stop and change course. You need to actually talk to each other.

Or perhaps you’re having full on screaming abuse, rage and accusations at each other? Causing damage and hurt with every word that trips off the tongue as you wound and abuse each other. And you’re serious about saving your marriage?

Then for all that you cherish you HAVE to take a deep breath and stop.

You might think that you’re keeping the peace by not speaking, by passing each other to and from the bathroom or wherever, but you’re not!

You might think you’re standing your ground and defending yourself as you scream at your spouse, but you’re not!

You’re both digging yourself a deeper hole, from which, if you are serious about rescuing your marriage, you’re going to find it increasingly difficult to get loose.

Stop today!

The next time you and your spouse are about to pass each other in the kitchen, YOU stop and YOU make the first move towards a civilized conversation.

If you’re serious about saving your marriage, then it is going to take acts of bravery and courage and it starts by making the first move, even when you really don’t want to.

It’s not about saving face or being the first to give in, it’s about sitting down with the person you still love and pulling your marriage back from the abyss of divorce.

Remember when you fell in love with your spouse and remember what it was that you still love about your spouse?

Take that into the first move and that’s how you begin to “save my marriage today!”

Save My Marriage Now – Communicating

Mo — Fri, 22 May 2009 06:01:28 +0000

One of the worst things when you get an email begging “Save My Marriage Now!” is that you know by the time you get the desperate email, that things are already pretty bad. There may have already been an affair, separation may have been suggested or even the prospect of a divorce is looming.

The really sad thing is that very often when you get to the nitty gritty of what has happened you find that a lack of HONEST communication has been central.

COMMUNICATION

If you cannot express yourself verbally, emotionally and physical in a healthy and honest way to your spouse, then you have a major problem that for many marriages can become a real deal breaker.

I find it easier to talk to a stranger than my husband! Jane M. Texas

But why is that?

Well it’s about trust and knowing that when you open up to the person you’re married to, that you’re opening up in a safe and loving environment. And also that you’re opening up yourself to someone who will not be offended, who will not laugh, who will not judge you and who will love you come what may. Those are big things to stack up and if you believe that any of those things are likely to be withdrawn, depending on what you say or do, then you’re going to close yourself off emotionally and physically and not open up to your spouse.

Simply put, talking to a stranger on the street you have no love to lose, no respect to lose and you really couldn’t careless what they think about you.

With your spouse though, you feel you have a lot to lose and so you keep it all to yourself.

Well that’s one of the best recipes for disaster and if you want an answer to how to “save my marriage now!” then you’re going to have to find a way to communicate with your spouse.

If your spouse has said to you in the past that ‘they can’t talk to you’ then you need to look at what kind of environment you have created around you for them to say that.

Are you living in a democracy where opinions and thoughts are welcomed or are you running a dictatorship where your opinions and thoughts are all that matters and what you say goes?

Do you give your spouse time and attention to say what they need to say?

Do you listen and take on board what your spouse has to say? You don’t necessarily have to agree with them, but you need to give them the respect and courtesy of listening to what they have to say.

Do you yourself open up and allow yourself to be vulnerable with your spouse? If you want your spouse to open up to you, then you have to show them it’s a safe thing to do by doing it yourself.

TOP TIP!

Men and women communicate differently. Generally speaking, women find it much easier to open up and communicate exactly what they’re feeling, while men don’t. So if your spouse needs more time and space to tell you what’s going on and how he is feeling, then allow him that space! Don’t pressurize or hound him, he will only retreat further.

How to Stop a Divorce and Save Your Marriage